The-What-That-Lived?
by M-python-girl
Summary: On that fateful Halloween night, the Longbottoms were visiting the Potters. Both sets of parents died in the attack. Sirius found Neville and Harry on opposite sides of the room (due to the explosion). Due to the obvious scar on Harry's forehead, Neville's matching scar on his bottom was ignored. Harry and Neville are linked, sharing Chosen One status, but no one is aware of it.
1. Chapter 1

Neville was a very clumsy boy. It was almost as if his body had a mind of its own and was *trying* to injure itself. He would be going down stairs, trip, and get injured all over; all on a regular basis. What was strange is how few people believed him when he told them. They kept insisting it looked like he was fresh from a beating.

And then there was the ghost hunger. The ghost hunger would come and go, but was usually there. It was not effected by how much he ate. One time he decided to eat until it went away, he got a stomach ache and was *still* hungry. He just learned to let it handle itself.

At least he did accidental magic... though for no apparent reason. One day he was watering his bean the next: totally on the roof of the house. No reason, just on the roof. He was stuck there for hours. And then there was the time his hair grew down to his chin in a night. His family decided that meant his magic wanted his hair to be long for some reason: evidently magic helped shape what you looked like.

Random as his magic was, it was enough for his extended family to show him the ropes. And by ropes he meant "things all aurors should know" or when he was talking to his squib uncle "things all bobbys should know." Just tips... and basic martial and tactical training... where he got more bruises, in the same patterns as before but with less tripping... seriously, what the bloody hell?

And then there was the Lord Longbottom training. It was important to note that Lord Longbottom had a very important thousand year old "rep". So he had to learn to speak his mind and be honest, while not pissing anybody off too much. He wasn't very good at it.

The last bit of accidental magic happened when he was ten. He was in the greenhouse working with the tobacco (how the Longbottoms got most of their money was a hobby in legal magical drugs(1)). When suddenly the glass panel nearest him disappeared- which was bad. But Neville was an awesome kid, and instead of lying or denying, he immediately went to an adult and owned up to it. His prompt action averted a catastrophe of outside pests from getting out of hand. Oddly enough this was soon followed with ghost energy, a feeling like he needed to move that he couldn't get rid of.

The only bit of accidental magic that appeared to have a reason was when he was given the traditional bean on his eighth birthday. All Longbottoms were given a bean on their eighth birthday which they had to grow into a bean plant. His grew overnight... to cover his entire room. It's still there.

A couple weeks later, he got his Hogwarts letter. And was shown pride all around (though his squib uncle been a little disappointed since he wanted someone who could live as he did that he didn't have to lie to).

Diagon Alley for all of the things but his wand (he was assigned his father's) and voila! Nothing much else happened. Except a sudden lack of all ghost feelings the day after his birthday. No more bruises either. ...

Neville coughed as he stepped out of the fireplace and hurriedly moved aside. Having someone floo in while you were still in the fireplace resulted in a high speed collision, not a pleasant experience.

"There you are, Neville," said his gran. She had on a blue dress and was wearing her favorite hat, which had a stuffed vulture on it, bobbing as they moved towards the train. "Let's see, your trunk came with you, did your toad?"

"Here in my pocket grandmother," he replied, taking the toad out to show her.

"And you have money for the snack trolley?" her prim and proper tone at odds with such a classic worried mother dialogue.

"Here in my other pocket," this ringamoral used to annoy him, until his uncle told him that it was his gran's way of saying she loved him. She was never touchy-feely, and was too proper to say mushy things, so she provided for him the best she could.

"Good. Remember to behave, do well, make friends, and try not to make enemies until at least a month has passed."

He smiled at her half-serious joke. "Yes, ma'am"

"Well," she said, straight backed and proud, but with a certain stiffness around the mouth showing she was worried, "Off you go then."

Neville took the chance to do something reckless. He quickly hugged her, disengaged, and boarded the train with a quick, "I love you too Gran!"

When he turned around to haul his trunk onto the train he was awarded to a blushing, but not overly distressed grandmother, who promptly headed back towards the floo. Neville smiled at her back as his eyes were pulled towards a fellow first year to be. Short, dark hair, uncomfortably skinny and pale but not distressingly so. Muggle-born? Clothes indicate so. Scar like lightning bolt: Harry Potter, raised by Muggles. Neville finished getting his trunk on board and found a cabin to himself when his observations caught up with him.

Harry Potter was raised by muggles. That would explain why no one could find him. Short was normal for a Potter, being traditional Seekers, skinny was also... but that skinny, something just made Neville want to shove a cauldron cake down the other boy's throat, like it wasn't right. And pale was definitely strange, in fact Potters were known to tan fairly quickly, and with magical heritage influencing where that DMA his Uncle Mickey talked about didn't... something was off. First order of Traditional Longbottom Hogwarts Detecting: WTF Harry Potter What?

But that could wait until after the school year started. Didn't want to make an enemy of Potter on the train ride over. Slow and Steady, unless people are dying. Hmm... How to ensure information no matter what house he was in. He would need to get at least one person from each house to help. The Zabinis traded information, Blaize was in his yeargroup right? Maybe they could resume the traditional "mutually beneficial trade alliance" that had broken during the war. Susan would probably also be training her auror skills, that could be useful. He would have to try and work with everyone at least once... unless in Gryffindor or Slytheren, then he would need to be more cautious. Replace Operation: Potter is Suspicious with "Gain Allies" as first order. Stupid Houses and their stupid rivalries.

Satisfied with the amount of planning done, he pulled out one of the "abridged journals" his family wrote. They would basically take one of their cases and write it in story format. They idea was it was easier to learn stories than memorize facts, so it was a way to learn certain cues that would be otherwise missed. This one was from thirty years ago. "Suddenly Shy" was about a boy who's personality changed over the coarse of a summer and Neville's great-great-uncle figuring out why.

He heard a knock on the door: "Enter." It was an automatic response. The door opened: female, frizzy brown hair, brown eyes, large front teeth, sensible muggle clothing. Muggleborn or Muggleraised half-blood.

"Do you know someone who's lost a toad?" she asked worriedly, they were at the end of the train, there probably wasn't much more space to check. He looked at the toad, looked like Trevor. Checked his pocket: Empty. Probably Trevor.

"Trevor did you run off to find me a friend?" he said smiling. The toad croaked at just the right time to seem like a reply and jumped into Neville's lap. "Hi, my name is Neville Longbottom, what's yours?"

"Um, Hermione Granger. You don't seem very worried about your pet. Is he intelligent?"

"Most magical creatures are smarter than their muggle cousins. I used to worry about him a lot, then a month ago my Uncle Micky tried to startle me and startled Trevor instead. Hopped out of my hands and disappeared in mid-air. I asked my Aunt Rini what happened and it turns out Trevor is a Houdini Toad. Can't trap him in anything, but if you're patient he'll always turn up again, assuming he wants to."

"Where did you get him?" she asked him looking intrigued.

He chuckled "Well, you can't just go out and buy a Houdini Toad."

"Why not?"

"'cuz then they would have to catch and trap them, which is impossible because of how their magic works. I found Trevor in the green house, and he bonded with me. and you never argue when a familiar bonds with you."

"Why not?" This girl asked a lot of questions... that was both good and bad. Maybe he could train her in subtlety and she'd make a good ally.

"The same reason the wand chooses the wizard. A proper bond gives you more power and performance of your magic. But an improper bond won't do anything."

"Oh," she looked thoughtful for a bit... and then she notice his book. "What are you reading?"

"Mystery Novel, based on a true story. Would you like to borrow one? I have plenty."

Her eyes lit up, "You'd really lend me one? But we just met!"

He smiled, "Why don't you go get your things? We can read, and if you finish one before the train arrives you can borrow another."

He face split in a grin, "Oh, thank you!" and she ran off.

Neville took a deep breath. Hermione was going to be interesting to deal with. Her way of looking at the world was too strange a combination between familiar and alien. At least with Luna he knew oracles were supposed to be crazy and hard to interpret and just had to get used to it.

He sighed and looked at his trunk. Which book? It was said experience on the train could effect the sorting, particularly if a person was balanced between houses. He thought she would go into Ravenclaw, but who knew? What book didn't favor a house? He finally decided on one that took place seventy years ago. The Longbottoms had had two sets of twins two years apart, each in a different house. They all worked together to solve mysteries. He picked the first one that had all four of them in it.

When Hermione got back and started reading, it took her five minutes to notice, "Why do all of the characters have your last name?"

"Because I'm awesome," came the flippant response.

"Neville!" She was certainly annoyed.

"John Longbottom was my great-grandfather. My family traditionally learns things we have no business learning for the 'betterment of our fellow students.' And then we write about it so the younger generations don't have to learn everything from scratch."

Hermione gasped, "then this is-"

"Based on a true story, but probably has some embellishments. My family likes to show off."

She blushed, "Oh."

This was about the time the snack trolley came in. He bought enough for both of them, they had a pleasantly educational discussion on wizarding and muggle candy, and they continued their reading.

(1) LotR refrence

...Mini-Neville Omake...

Neville ate a sandwich. Then he ate an apple, then another. Today was the day would finally get full.

He ate some cheese, and some bread. The house-elves were getting concerned.

He ate a chocolate frog, some Berty-Botts Every Flavor Beans. A cauldron Cake. He was starting to have trouble. His tummy was feeling uncomfortable, but everyone said that eating made the hunger go away.

He ate crackers and cheese, and drank tea, until he was ready to burst. He collapsed crying. His tummy hurt so bad. Why was he still hungry if his tummy ached?

"Neville what's wrong? How did-? Why are you eating like a pig!?" Gran shouted. The elves had probably told on him.

"It won't go away!" he wailed holding his belly.

"Of course it won't go away you silly child, you have to wait for the food to go through before your tummy will stop hurting," she was disappointed in him. He must of done something wrong.

"I just wanted to stop being hungry!"

"Well, now you have you silly boy!"

He looked down ashamed and mumbled, "hvn't."

"What was that child?" Why did her tone change? It sounded scared.

Neville blushed even deeper, "I'm still hungry but I can't eat anymore cuz I ate too much." ...

Neville had no idea why they were at St. Mungos, did people normally go to St. Mungos for a tummy ache, were they really that serious? He thought they were only paper cut serious, not broken bone serious. The nurse was waving her wand over him, to take a look at his inside. "Well, that is unexpected!"

"Did someone curse him?" Gran asked. Oh, he hoped he wasn't cursed.

"There is some dark magic clinging to him, but it's all concentrated in his posterior, and wouldn't so something like this. We can do something about that, but it's a dangerous procedure. Your boy's magic core appears to be damaged."

Gran gasped as Neville shifted uncomfortably, his magic was hurt?

"It should regenerate by itself, if not he'll find someone to leach off of. A twiend or a soul-bond."

Gran furrowed her brows, "what, pray tell, is a twiend?"

"A twiend is a friend who is as close as a twin. The biggest problem is finding a match. Most people are fairly self-contained, and even then there is a possibility of bonding with someone he hates. Not that he will have control over it."

"What is the best way for us to find this... twiend?"


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Notes: This is not the Neville from the books. Instead of being unintentionally abused because of his lack of accidental magic, his early and frequent bouts marked him a prodogy,  
>and his family treated him as such. He had extra training, and advanced lessons (In the Theory of Magic, not the Practical bits,<br>that would be illegal for people under 11). Which leads to more confidence, and a semi-Sherlock outlook).

Neville understood why he was in Gryffindor, but Hermione being in the house was a bit odd. At first he thought it was exceedingly odd, but then he remembered it was 1991, and Gryffindor always had a star student in the years ending in one. That made it normal then.

Dumbledore gave his standard silly speech. The meal was delicious. The subsequent Q&A of bloodlines and accidental magic was a gauntlet of trying to remain vague. While many of his shows of accidental magic were strong, they were also random. Most cases of accidental magic had a definite cause grounded in emotions, when that was not the case... it was considered an ill omen, because it showed a lack in control.

When everyone finally decided he wasn't interesting he started plotting. Mandy Brocklehurst, Morag MacDougal, Jeffery Moon, Sally-Ann Perks, and Lisa Turpin. Five most interesting people. Why were they interesting? because they didn't seem to be. Ravenclaw, Slytherin, Ravenclaw, Huffelpuff, Ravenclaw. It was odd to have so many Flats it one year.

Flats are destinctly interesting. A Flat may be the most engaging conversationalist, but as soon as a third person enters said conversation, the Flat is forgotten. No one gives them note, and they are fountains of information. After all, if no one gives you note, they forget they are telling secrets right in front of you. He had heard of Moon and Turpin, or their families anyway.

The Moons were a traditionally Ravenclaw family who remained neutral by withdrawing. They were Switzerland, paid to mediate between the Wizarding World and Magical Creatures. Their socializing was minimal to retain impartiality.

The Turpins traveled the world obtaining potion ingredients. They didn't socialize because they were usually not in town.

Brocklehurst had one living son who married a muggle.

MacDougal and Perks were unknown, probably Muggleborn.

Hopefully, they would all make good allies.

But first- His year/housemates. Hermione was already reconnoitering, it was about classes, but she seemed to have minimally charmed the Weasley prefect Percy. If he could keep her as an ally, her newly established rep of curiosity could be useful. Besides... she was nice, he liked her.

Ron had terrible table manners, as usual. None of the other Weasleys had that problem, he was just a slob. From earlier data, an angry jerk that was kind of a bully... not that Neville held grudges for certain actions against a certain awesome blonde neighbor. And Harry seemed to like him.

Harry was polite. It seemed like if Harry had known the proper formal actions he would have used the formal language. He was too humble, and jumpy. And eating like he'd never seen such plenty, but not like he was starving. His Uncle Micky would foster kids from rough backgrounds. Harry reminded Neville of those kids in some ways, but not in others. It was really freaky, and it made Neville wonder about the last line in his parent's will. 'And Lastly, no matter what happens, Neville should be raised alongside Harry Potter as either a cousin or a brother, this should be reflected in the Potter Will.' An odd request the raised the suspicion of every family member, but perhaps, Neville should try to make it come to pass. Better late than never, especially if Harry needed his help. Goodness knows that the Potter Will was sealed.

Looking down the table he saw the Weasley Twins. The Twins were banned from socializing. Because they always got bored and pranked important people. They were in a deep conversation with a third person, probably a Muggleborn/raised friend. The thing about Pranksters, is they can be your best allies, or your worst enemies. Like Nikki Belford and Sausha Neverlock, the Slythern Pranksters that Neville only knew of because they were also banned from socializing, for trying to out-prank the twins by pranking still more important people. The Neverlocks were "most definitely not the traditional Spy family" which of course had nothing to do with their traditional Prankster roles at Hogwarts.

But then, it was time to go to their House. =================

"Oh, I do hope we start straight away! Honestly! What is wrong with that Granger girl?" Ron was obnoxious, as always.

"She's a bookworm, and a teacher's pet. My muggle school had one," said Seamus. "They're annoying, but they keep the attention off you in class by answering everything for you."

Neville just watched. Nothing wrong with watching, even if the temptation to punch someone slowly got stronger. Hermione was a possible future friend. Dean Thomas seemed amused. Harry Potter seemed unsure and uncomfortable. Good, he should be.

As Ron, Seamus, and Dean laughed Neville just put his stuff away, breathing slowly, trying to keep his blood from boiling. He picked the bed next to Harry's.

"So, what classes look the most interesting?" Neville asked.

The other three thought Charms or Defense Against the Dark Arts. "Bet you're looking forward to Herbology, Eh, Longbottom?" Subtle Ron, subtle.

But Neville was paying attention to Harry's answer, "Um... Potions probably. I can cook well, so it should be a breeze right?"

'Can cook' not 'like to cook.' Bloody mysterious Potter.

"Better be careful with that," said Neville. "I hear the professor had an ongoing to-do with your dad, and had a falling out with your mum. And he hates Gryffindors to start."

Harry looked at him confused, "how do you know that?"

Ron snorted, "Longbottom gossipmongering and record keeping. I think they have gossip from five hundred years ago."

Neville looked at him straight-faced. "No comment" and it was eleven hundred years, not that any of the family could read it all, and the knowledge dump was only an option for ages 16 and up. Before that and it would end in an identity crisis. And most of the knowledge was useless, so most members didn't bother.

Ron just rolled his eyes. "Gossip about everyone else, but won't even say where you got it. That's Longbottoms, sneaky as they are loyal. How you got into Gryffindor when your family is so Hufflepuff and Slytherin is beyond me."

"Mmm," was Neville's only apparently disinterested reply as he climbed into bed and continued to sleep.

If Harry listened to Ron, then becoming his friend just became that much harder.

That night, Neville snuck out of bed. He went up and down the male dorm stairs. Peeked up the girls (he knew about the security or he would have investigated there too). And searched the entire common room, finding all of the hiding places mentioned in the books. When he was done he sat in front of the fireplace, taking in his new territory when he heard a door close on the girls side. His curiosity insisted he should at least look. When he looked up the stairs, he saw a bushy haired, nightgowned figure about his height with her hand hovering over a doorknob, frozen in place.

"Hermione?" He asked. "Are you okay?"

She jumped, "N-Neville, what are you doing up?"

Voice slightly raw and choked. She wasn't alright. "Just exploring, why don't you come down and hang out? I'd come up but I know about the anti-boy security."

"I don't know... we should get sleep before class."

"But I haven't really made friends with any of the other boys yet, so right now you're my only friend, and I'd like to talk to you."

Hermione sniffed, "you don't even know me. I'm just a know-it-all blabber mouth that will get on your nerves."

"Ah," Neville replied in understanding. "The dumbass kids are being dumbass kids. My family says that's normal."

He couldn't see her clearly, but it sounded like a disgruntled glare, "they're the same age as you, and me."

"So we're dumbass kids too. The entire point of learning is for you to stop being a dumbass kid so can become a dumbass adult. Come on down, let's talk."

She sighed and started down the stairs, "alright, but we need to get to bed soon. It's getting late."

He smiled and they went one of the sofas. "So, what happened? And do you need a hug?"

She blushed, "No, I'm fine... It's just- I was so excited I just kept talking about what I've learned about Hogwarts and everything. And the other girls told me to shut-up, and called me names." She was crying now. "I don't know what's so wrong with me that everyone hates me, they just do!"

Crying Girl... "Screw it, crying girl means hugs." He pulled her into one so she could cry on his shoulder. "There is nothing wrong with you. You're smart, and nice. I know you're nice because you went car to car looking for the owner of a lost toad instead of just reporting it to a prefect. And we both know you're smart."

Great, now she was crying harder. "If I was smart I'd be able to figure it out! I'm stupid!"

He sighed, thinking... "Hermione, does Herbology help you learn Astronomy?"

She sniffed. "N-No."

"Does it help with Potions?"

"Yes, but what does that have to do with anything?"

"People are just like anything else. You have to spend time studying them to know how they work. There isn't a class on people, so you have to study on your own. I bet most of the things you spend time studying aren't even related to people skills." Her blush showed he was right. "It's like someone is giving a first year an O.W.L. Most people spend more time studying each other, so they're further ahead. And most people look down on people who know less than them, particularly when the person knows something they don't."

"But, why don't they just... trade knowledge?"

He smile, "because people are stupid."

"Neville!" She didn't approve of him calling her bullies stupid. Interesting.

"Look, there are different types of people. There are different ways to organize their groups. The type you are shows they care by teaching. But if you don't phrase the teaching right, the people you're trying to help will assume you're looking down on them, because they would be looking down on you if your rolls were reversed."

Hermione was flabbergasted, "But that's- that's-"

"Dumb, the word you're looking for is dumb."

She sighed, "how do I fix it?"

Neville chuckled, "I have no bloody clue, maybe we can find out together. As an extra study project."

"I'd like that," Hermione smiled. And the portrait opened.

In walked the Weasley Twins with their third member. He needed to know their name.

"Umm... isn't there a curfew?" Hermione asked.

"Only if-"

"-you get caught." The Twins said.

Neville smiled and looked at Hermione, "I didn't see anything if you didn't."

"I don't know-"

"Curfew is there so the students don't get hurt, they returned unharmed. The spirit of the rule is upheld."

Hermione sigh, "I suppose."

"Cool. We owe you one." The Twins said in unison... Neville really needed to learn to tell them apart.

Mini-Neville Omake

"What are you doing?" asked a young Neville.

"Looking for Nargles in the Mistletoe," replied the blonde girl, Luna Lovegood if he remembered the introductions correctly.

"So- you're bored, too."

"Boredom is from nargle infestations."

"... Want to learn how to throw a punch?"

She looked at him bewildered, "what would I be punching?"

He thought about it, "either flying Nargles or air, take your pick."

She smiled, "it sounds pleasant, but is a formal Christmas party really a good place for Nargle-punching?"

"hmm..." She had a point. "Let's go in the garden, we should be able to find an uninhabited corner."

It was the start of a beautiful friendship.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Most of the classes were fun and informative. With the exception of Herbology, which was fun in a zen-like way but uninformative (he owned most of these plant) and Potions... where Snape was a dick but it was plenty informative. Snape's bullying of Potter was *so* going in his books.

All ghost pains/hungers and otherwise were gone (He had an idea about that). And Hermione was still having trouble with her (what they now called) know-it-all-itis. That was going to be one hell of an uphill battle.

And then there were the Other Things. For example: on the third day of school he decided to check the normal trading point for Longbottom-Zabini information. He was going to put a carefully crafted invitation of continueing the age old custom, but it appeared that Zabini had beaten him to the punch.

Calison,

Shall the Spider Fly?

Jack3d Flings l1 twice or more. Coal4c and River3g.

End Friar Lilithson 29-4-1

Frost was making out with Ash and Brooke... interesting. He was so glad he kept up with that code. That was an enticement, he had better provide information of similar value to show his value.

He mentioned the Weasly's escapade. And decided to keep Calison as his sign off. Why his father chose Cali as his codename was beyond Neville's knowledge, but Blaize's mother was always a bit independent, as is common in a family whose magical heritage was... What it was. He wasn't sure if their family was just weird like that or it was an actual magical talent.

Thursday morning Neville got a present from his Uncle Micky. It was a rememberall. The note with it said it was a family heirloom, passed down three generations... cool.

There was the requisite taunting from Malfoy, that boy seriously needed to learn how to insult people elegantly. His father was a past master of subtle barbs, you'd think he'd teach his son how to do it properly to take over the family tradition.

And then flying lessons, where Neville's broom went haywire, and he broke his wrist. He was taken to Madam Pomphrey, promptly healed, and told to stay until the end of class. Since he was here anyway, he tried to figure out the extent of the Hospital Wing.

"So, broken wrists are treated here. Are there any injuries that would require St. Mungos?" He wasn't very subtle about it.

"Mostly spinal injuries, though there are some head injuries that require outside help."

"Curses?"

"I can reverse anything NEWT level or below. And a good portion of post-NEWT spell," At least she was more amused than annoyed.

"Magical Accidents?"

"They sometimes call me in because of my experience. There are more magical accidents at Hogwarts than anywhere else in Britain."

And that was when Harry and McGonagall walked in. McGonagoll spoke to Madam Pomphrey as Harry looked a Neville and held out his left hand, "I, uh, got your rememberall back."

Neville missed a beat, then smiled, "Thanks, I wouldn't want to lose a family heirloom. You go flying and break your wrist?"

"Uh, no." He looked down and blushed, "after I caught your ball McGonagall decided I should be on the quiddich team. And after telling Wood... I fell down some stairs."

"That sucks," Neville replied mildly as Madam Pomphrey started her diagnostics on Harry and McGonagoll left. "Anyone see, or are you spared the embarrassment?"

"Just McGonagoll."

"Well, that's fine then. She doesn't count because she sees _so_ much worse, all of the time," And that would be Madam Pomphrey looking at me sharply... from the diagnostic? "I swear I have no idea how I could have caused the break. And if I did I didn't mean to."

Pomphrey sighed exasperated, "of course you didn't. His break is just a perfect copy of your own despite getting it in a very different way."

Neville blinked at her as Harry started to get nervous, "what does that mean?"

"Right now, it means I'll have an easier time healing you." She said, cast the Bone Healing Spell on his wrist. "Other than that... I need your guardian's permission to do a full diagnostic, unless I need it to heal you. In similar cases this sort of thing will decrease if you spend more time with each other." She looked at the clock, "And that would be the end of the class period. Off with you two."

Mini-Neville Omake

"Hey Luna?" Neville asked as they were trying to catch tadpoles in the stream.

The young blond smiled, "is this about the nargles that have been around lately?"

"I suppose the nargles have been effecting me lately, but I'm fairly sure it's because of the wrackspurts," he hadn't cracked her code yet, but he could use some of the more basic ideas. It was probably because he wasn't a Seer or, in Luna's case, a Hearer. She was a type of assessor, and she heard certain noises when certain things were going on. Nargles meant sneakiness (the Weasley Twins were surrounded by nargles, all of the time), and wrackspurts were when someone had everything they needed, but didn't know it, or is confused... he still wasn't completely sure how wrackspurts worked.

"Wrackspurts are most definitely a menace," she said in her standard dreamy tone.

"I was wondering if we should get married."

Her brow furrowed,"Now? I don't think my mother would approve, she wants me to wait until I'm at least seventeen."

"Well, it wouldn't be a super-promise. but like, if we don't find a soulmate or fall in love with anyone before we're like twenty-one we could get married. We figure things out really well together. I think we know more about the adults than the adults do."

"Like how Mr. Nott and Mrs. Goyle do married things when no one is around."

"Exactly!" he exclaimed, "I like you and want to be your friend forever, and my Uncle Micky says that the trick to a proper marriage is to be best friends too."

"But isn't it best to look around first? Isn't that why people date?" she asked. "I like you a lot, but I'm not even sure how people hunt for husbands, though it seems to involve trying out some marriage activities, like kissing and stuff. And there are usually a lot of wrackspurts."

He grinned, "That's why I thought twenty-one was good. It gives us a chance to hunt around. And since neither of our family magic forbids divorce, we'll both be our family's heads, and you're family is matrilinial while mine is patrilinial, we should be fine. You're family worked fine with the Babblings three generations ago, and mine did that with the Tevits back five."

"Hmm," she muttered, her brow furrowing again, "I think we should discuss it with our families to make sure there won't be a problem with our traditions. There might be a reason our families haven't married for at least fifteen generations. And you might find a soulmate at anytime which could complicate things."

He hugged her close, "Thanks Luna, you're the best friend ever."


	4. Chapter 4

That night he decided to explore the castle. There were, after all, secrets that could only be found at night. Besides, he needed to work on his stealth skills.

He'd just found the third of the secret passageways from his books, when he heard a shout. He turned and saw Harry, Ron and… Hermione? Running towards him. He shugged mentally and followed. Why not?

They piled behind a locked door and waited for Filch to leave. Unfortunately, there was also a Giant Cerberus where they were hiding. Neville immediately put his hands over Ron and Hermione's mouths.

He spent what time he could analyzing the room.

When Filch was gone they slowly backed out, locked the door, and went back to Gryffindor Tower.

Neville was deep in thought when he heard, "Didn't you see what it was standing on?"

"Trap door, Probably Guarding something. Perhaps…"

"Speaking of which. Neville! What were you doing out after curfew!?"

"Family Tradition."

Her jaw fell open in shock. She probably wasn't expecting that one.

"I was making sure I knew where all the secret passageways are. I need to do it before I re-found the After Hours Club."

Her eyes widened… she seemed scandalized. "Are you insane! You could get killed! Or worse, expelled!"

"Dumbledore doesn't expel people unless they complete a murder. Even attempted murder is covered up and forgiven. I don't plan on killing anyone, so I should be fine."

Now all three of them were shocked, "I'm seroius. That's how it works. Ask the older years if they've heard of anyone being expelled, and what they know has been caught but the culprit _didn't_ get expelled."

The three of them were staring at him in silence. He sighed, "I'm going to bed now; see you in the morning."

[Scene Break]

The next month and a half was quite productive. He obtained all of the Flats, save Moon, and had a nice little gossip ring going. Susan Bones would occasionally hang out with him, also to swap information.

Neville was _still _finding all of the passageways, but he (and Hermione by proxy) could now get to all of their classes in half the time. Seriously, if Hermione decided to become a teacher, she would be a terror who showed up out of no where at the worst times.

He spent one night a week with Harry 'studying Herbology' aka helping him with his homework. Ron did not want to join, so they got an hour of work, and a couple more of just hanging out and chatting, or playing exploding snap.

Hermione still wasn't talking to either Ron or Harry.

This reached a boiling point when Hermione taught Ron the spell in Charms, and he responded by sniping at her behind her back. Where she heard him. Hermione wasn't in the next class.

Neville used his great powers of deduction, and asked the other girls where she was. She was in Moaning Myrtle's Bathroom. It made sense, no one goes there otherwise, and you can cry in peace. Unofficially, boys were allowed in if they too needed to mope… it wasn't like anyone would catch them.

He knocked on the stall, "Hermione?"

She sniffed, "What are you doing in a girl's bathroom, Neville?"

He snorted, "No one cares, this is the Bathroom of Emotional Turmoil. The rules are to mind your own buisness or leave. That is it. No one checks. Do you need a hug? Crying means hugs right?"

She opened the stall, hugged him, and cried until she couldn't anymore. Fortunatly, he was able to maneuver he back into the stall in a sitting position before his legs collapsed, "Did you finish crying the sadness out?"

She looked miserable, "Maybe."

Neville nodded, "Realize that emotions are stupid. They do not listen to logic, and are perfectly valid in all circumstances."

She looked back at him exasperated, "Is this another 'people are stupid' rant?"

"Yes, now pay attention. Ron is male. He was raised male. Thus he reacts like a typical male in our culture. He is not allowed to cry when he is upset. As such, he vents. This makes him act like a prat. Anything said while he is being a prat can be safely ignored, because it is his emotions talking, you follow?"

"I made him boy-cry?" She asked.

"One of the sub-varients, but yes."

"I should probably apologize… what am I apologizing for?"

"Making him look weak in front of an audience. Mostly by assuming he was too weak to accomplish the feat himself. However, he may not know this. You should probably replace 'weak' with 'bad'. Also, do it in private, he'll act more authentic."

She blushed, "Okay."

This was about when they heard grunting. Neville stiffened, and automatically put a hand on Hermione's mouth. He looked under the stalls… those were not human legs.

He removed his hand from Hermione's mouth. This proved to be mistake because she screamed as soon as she saw the thing, "Hermione! I'll distract it; go get a teacher!" He proceeded to get it's attention with said shout and started dodging. It's club.

She ran towards the door, only to have it open revealing Harry and Ron. Harry ran up to it and leaped on it's back. His wand went up it's nose which again distracted it. Ron was frozen, but suddenly just, "Wingardium Leviosa!"

Every part of that spell was perfect. The Troll's club floated above it head. Ron dropped it again in surprise. Knocking the Troll out cold. Neville couldn't believe how lucky they were.

When McGonagall and Snape showed up they looked worried.… and Hermione lied. To their faces. They got a net gain of 10 points though. Fun stuff!

This had an added benefit of being male-speak for friendship. From his understanding women did something similar, but he was still trying to learn basic female-speech. He'd gotten good at a neutral version, but the intricate Web of female types and how they communicate to make a cohesive whole? Still not working. Stupid gendered upbringing!

AN: I am unsure if the same bathroom is technically Cannon or not. I kinda like the Idea of Myrtle having domain over a Bathroom of Doom though.

Also, my brother speaks girl. Not perfectly, but girls don't speak girl perfectly either. He speaks girl because he is the only boy among 7 sisters. It helps that most of us think the games girls play are stupid, so he was able to get the basics down. Come to think of it, my dad's pretty proficient at it too.

Mini-Neville Omake

Neville was working in his green-house, calmly pruning some dead branches when he hears a $here mousy, mousy, mousy.$

He looked around, and saw a garden snake just as it caught a mouse. He looked at it swollow it's prey. $Did you just talk.$

$ Yes? $

It seemed unsure. $ What is your name? $

$ What Name? $

He tilted his head, $ I'll call you Mouseslayer, would you stop the mice from eating my plants? $

The snake looked back at him, $ catch mice in warm den? I can do.$

$ Thank you. $

Neville promptly looked up talking snakes, encountered information on Parseltounge and decided to never speak of his ability ever… just in case.


End file.
